Why Contempt Is One of the Most Destructive Habits in a Relationship

October 13, 2026 - 04:38

Eye rolls, mockery, and sarcasm can signal contempt, a destructive relationship habit researchers have linked to divorce and illness. Psychologists consider contempt one of the worst patterns that can take hold between partners, because it attacks a person's sense of worth rather than addressing a specific problem.

Contempt differs from ordinary anger or frustration. Anger says "I am upset about what happened." Contempt says "I am better than you." It shows up through sneering, name calling, biting sarcasm, and body language such as eye rolling or a curled lip. Over time, these small gestures tell a partner they are not respected, and that message erodes trust faster than almost anything else.

Research by relationship expert John Gottman identified contempt as the single strongest predictor of divorce among the behaviors he studied. His work also suggested that couples who habitually express contempt tend to experience more conflict, less affection, and even weaker immune function. The constant stress of feeling belittled takes a physical toll as well as an emotional one.

The good news is that contempt can be unlearned. Therapists recommend building a habit of appreciation, describing complaints without insults, and repairing moments of tension before they harden. Couples who replace scorn with curiosity and respect often find that conflict becomes manageable instead of corrosive.