Psychology says children who keep saying “look at this” may be seeking shared attention, not just praise from their parents

October 9, 2026 - 06:12

"Look at this." It might be a drawing, a jump, a half-built tower or a pebble. Many adults respond with "good job" and move on, assuming the child wants applause. Psychologists suggest something different is happening. The repeated call for attention is often a request for shared attention, a moment where parent and child focus on the same thing at the same time. That shared focus helps children build language, regulate emotions and feel seen. Praise closes the loop quickly. Shared attention keeps it open. A child who points at a scribble may not care whether the scribble is good. The child cares whether you look at it too. Researchers describe these small exchanges as building blocks for social understanding. When a parent turns toward the object and comments on what the child notices, the child learns that their interests matter and that experience can be shared. That does not mean praise is harmful. It means the response can shift. Instead of rating the tower, describe it. Instead of saying "nice," ask what happens next. The difference is small in words and large in effect. A child asking to be seen is not asking for a score. The request is simpler and deeper: come look with me.